A sleeping drunk,
wet and soundly,
on the slow train. Every stop will be stopped at tonight.
I marvel at the sulphur light, the storm we're riding,
the coughing laughing phoning flirting
drunken snoring through of storm and stops
all of it in the quiet carriage.
Great. Quiet, yes, but it also mimics the track-sound. (Well...I can hear it!) :)
ReplyDeletefunny you should hear it Rob, since I wrote it and rewrote it on the train - a train that is slow and annoying but also soporific - and I was after that effect in the first few lines, particularly. I'm so glad you can hear it!
ReplyDeletelike it, Efi, renders a long peculiar interlude really well
ReplyDeletei really like it.
ReplyDeleteI can feel the separation of self - and I hear the sulphur.
ReplyDeleteThank you so much, Robbie (yes, quite peculiar! , Penny and Lizz. Lizz, you can hear the sulphur?! That's great!
ReplyDeleteThe storm seems to cough! That's the sulphur in it's throat...
ReplyDeleteeven more ambiguous than I intended, but it's great that no one honours my intentions! Thank you, Lucy! :)
ReplyDeleteLOL. The unintentional. Poetry. Like love.
ReplyDelete